When Adolf came o’er t' Yorkshire - (Dialect)
Just prior t’ t'invasion o' Europe,
Ol' Adolf, incognito, of course,
Wanted to find out about t’English,
So he thowt he'd come reyt to the source.
Now his strategy was fairly straight forward,
To gain an insight as to what we were like,
A low profile arrival were called for,
So he landed disguised as a tyke.
Well his first port o’ call was at Eldwick,
And the long country roads that it boasts,
But he wasn't prepared for t'welcome,
From t'fowks he perceived as mine hosts.
For, on his travels, he came across Albert,
Wi' ‘is whippet and clay pipe in hand,
He were lent 'gin a wall wi' 'is suitcase,
Tied round wi' an ol' rubber band.
"Gutten morgen, I mean 'ow do?", said Adolf,
This day isht a fine one, yes?",
"Bi silent", said Albert, "y'erl freeten 'em,
Ave bin waitin' three hours, n'less."
Bemused, Adolf gazed in the pasture,
And could see nothing but two or three sheep,
While Albert, taking out his green wellies,
Began slipping them onto his feet.
"But I vould like to partake of your beer house,
So to purchase a glass of your schnapps,
To swill down a frankfurter sausage,
And a pudding of Yorkshire, perhaps?
"Well why di'nt y' say?", smiled ol' Albert,
"Yer wantin' t' wait till tonight,
Wi’ disorientated sheep in t'darkness,
They're less likely t' put up a fight."
"Danka, I mean Ta' lad", thanked Adolf,
"I vill bear in mind what you have said",
Then he goose-stepped away towards Bingley,
In his clogs wi' 'is cloth cap on t'head.
Further on, the führer, he rested,
And was spotted by a farmer named Ted,
"Thall not want t' sit on that tree, lad,
Unless tha want hammer-heads", he said.
"But surely you mean haemorrhoids", Said Adolf?
"A condition affecting zee rump?",
"No, I mean hammer-heads", said t'farmer,
"Thar's nails sticking out o' that stump!"
"Best rest tha ol’ bones down at local,
It's nobut a stone's throw away,
Just owar t'hill by that farmhouse,
Then straight along Gomersall Way."
So Adolf continued his travels,
'til the “Whistle and Ferret” he came,
Where he met a young bint name o' Rosie,
Who served him wi' Guiness 'n' game.
"Thars strange t' these parts", whispered Rosie,
"Ave noticed after drinking tha beer,
Tha keeps chuckin' tha glass in t'fireplace,
That's fairly unusual round 'ere!"
Now, Adolf stood up, he were seething,
"PIG DOG!", he screamed at the lass,
And the chap at the bar wandered over,
swilling beer round the rim of his glass.
"Ad say thars got that wrong", said t'stranger,
"A pig's not a dog, more a hog,
A hound, that's a dog, and a swine, that's a pig,
And a sow's just a pig, not a dog."
Well, a feyt soon brok’ out, there were chaos,
And the landlord took Adolf by t'neck,
"If thar comes round 'ere causin' trouble,
ther’ll be fishin' thee owt o' t'North beck."
Now Adolf knew when he were beaten,
And made off down t'road like a hare,
In t'direction o’ t'fatherland he pined for,
'n' Goebbel’s who awaited him there.
So his thoughts quickly turned towards Poland,
When he spoke to his Generals on t'phone,
And when asked of his plans for t'invasion,
he said "leave them thar English alone!"
"I've met some queer races in my time,
But none that's as strange as them fowk,
Besides there's a landlord down t'local,
He's madder than I am, that bloke!"
So the plan of t'invasion were cancelled,
A decision that ruined the kraut,
For when Adolf came o'er t'Yorkshire,
It lost him the war wi'out doubt.
Ol' Adolf, incognito, of course,
Wanted to find out about t’English,
So he thowt he'd come reyt to the source.
Now his strategy was fairly straight forward,
To gain an insight as to what we were like,
A low profile arrival were called for,
So he landed disguised as a tyke.
Well his first port o’ call was at Eldwick,
And the long country roads that it boasts,
But he wasn't prepared for t'welcome,
From t'fowks he perceived as mine hosts.
For, on his travels, he came across Albert,
Wi' ‘is whippet and clay pipe in hand,
He were lent 'gin a wall wi' 'is suitcase,
Tied round wi' an ol' rubber band.
"Gutten morgen, I mean 'ow do?", said Adolf,
This day isht a fine one, yes?",
"Bi silent", said Albert, "y'erl freeten 'em,
Ave bin waitin' three hours, n'less."
Bemused, Adolf gazed in the pasture,
And could see nothing but two or three sheep,
While Albert, taking out his green wellies,
Began slipping them onto his feet.
"But I vould like to partake of your beer house,
So to purchase a glass of your schnapps,
To swill down a frankfurter sausage,
And a pudding of Yorkshire, perhaps?
"Well why di'nt y' say?", smiled ol' Albert,
"Yer wantin' t' wait till tonight,
Wi’ disorientated sheep in t'darkness,
They're less likely t' put up a fight."
"Danka, I mean Ta' lad", thanked Adolf,
"I vill bear in mind what you have said",
Then he goose-stepped away towards Bingley,
In his clogs wi' 'is cloth cap on t'head.
Further on, the führer, he rested,
And was spotted by a farmer named Ted,
"Thall not want t' sit on that tree, lad,
Unless tha want hammer-heads", he said.
"But surely you mean haemorrhoids", Said Adolf?
"A condition affecting zee rump?",
"No, I mean hammer-heads", said t'farmer,
"Thar's nails sticking out o' that stump!"
"Best rest tha ol’ bones down at local,
It's nobut a stone's throw away,
Just owar t'hill by that farmhouse,
Then straight along Gomersall Way."
So Adolf continued his travels,
'til the “Whistle and Ferret” he came,
Where he met a young bint name o' Rosie,
Who served him wi' Guiness 'n' game.
"Thars strange t' these parts", whispered Rosie,
"Ave noticed after drinking tha beer,
Tha keeps chuckin' tha glass in t'fireplace,
That's fairly unusual round 'ere!"
Now, Adolf stood up, he were seething,
"PIG DOG!", he screamed at the lass,
And the chap at the bar wandered over,
swilling beer round the rim of his glass.
"Ad say thars got that wrong", said t'stranger,
"A pig's not a dog, more a hog,
A hound, that's a dog, and a swine, that's a pig,
And a sow's just a pig, not a dog."
Well, a feyt soon brok’ out, there were chaos,
And the landlord took Adolf by t'neck,
"If thar comes round 'ere causin' trouble,
ther’ll be fishin' thee owt o' t'North beck."
Now Adolf knew when he were beaten,
And made off down t'road like a hare,
In t'direction o’ t'fatherland he pined for,
'n' Goebbel’s who awaited him there.
So his thoughts quickly turned towards Poland,
When he spoke to his Generals on t'phone,
And when asked of his plans for t'invasion,
he said "leave them thar English alone!"
"I've met some queer races in my time,
But none that's as strange as them fowk,
Besides there's a landlord down t'local,
He's madder than I am, that bloke!"
So the plan of t'invasion were cancelled,
A decision that ruined the kraut,
For when Adolf came o'er t'Yorkshire,
It lost him the war wi'out doubt.
