THE LITERARY WORLD OF THOMAS DADE
  • Home Page
  • Poetry & Prose
    • New Year’s Eve
    • Voices
    • Calypso
    • The Forlorn Stakes
    • Mad House
    • Arthur
    • Intesnsive Care
    • Poppy (in memoriam)
    • The Shoot
    • Glassy-eyed bitch!
    • What Emma Said
    • Religious Beliefs
    • Shrimp Breakfast
    • God's Gift
    • Courtroom Drama
    • Summer Days
    • My Dear Old Mum
    • Night of the Predator
    • Asa Wilde (84 years young)
    • Christmas Values
    • Remembrance Day
    • The Hills of Home
    • Gutter Currency
    • Proms
    • Tot
    • Zoo
  • Humorous
    • The Job Centre Blues
    • The Patron Saint of Solicitors
    • Sad Tale of the Kimble Frish
    • The Greatest Show On Earth
    • Farmyard Friends
    • Cookin' Up The Amazon
    • The Undertaker's Anthem
    • Pink, Punk, Fizz!
    • The Tradesman
    • When Adolf came o’er t' Yorkshire - (Dialect)
  • Short Stories
    • A Life, Retrospective
    • Room 126
    • A Bizarre Love Story
    • An Evening With Bonnie
    • Joyce's Story
  • Dilemmas
  • Contact
  • Granny D - Agony Aunt
    • Steroids in Sport – A Vicious Cycle
    • Autagonistophilia – Emma, Bruce and Demi too!
    • Legal Advice for Oscar Pistorius
    • Drug Abuse - Anyone for Charlie?
    • Hybristophilia
    • Chris Huhne from HMP Wandsworth
    • POPE Thanks Granny D
    • Necrophilia - Fifty Shades of Grey
    • Voyeurism
    • Alcohol Abuse - Binge Drinking
    • Striae - Stretch Marks
    • Autassassinophilia
    • Richard Madeley On Skype
    • Homosexuality
    • Phobias
    • Impotence - Erectile Dysfunction
    • Testicular Cancer
    • Cross-dressing – Does size matter?
    • Letter to Auntie Kath
    • Granny D's WaterAid Appeal
    • Swingers and Swappers
    • Letter from Her Majesty
    • Neophobia
    • Telephone Scatologia
    • FGM
    • Ataxophobia
  • Restaurant Reviews
    • Generous Pioneer, Ilkley
    • Fazenda, Leeds
    • Amici Ristorante, Keighley
    • Balti House, Keighley
    • The Toby Carvery, Keighley
    • Banny's Fish & Chip Restaurant, Colne
    • Kingfisher Restaurant, Cross Hills
    • Ivy Palace Cantonese, Colne
    • Mother Hubbards, Scarborough
    • Princess Cafe, Scarborough
    • Welcome Inne, Scarborough
    • Leeds Fisheries, Scarborough
  • Feature Length Screenplays
    • You're Not Singing, Eddie Moore - Psychological Thriller
    • the summer of alex white - Romantic Comedy
    • The Grey Room - Psychological Thriller
    • That's Show Business! Comedy
    • The Eartly World of Francis Wick - Comedy
    • On The Slyde - Comedy
  • Six-part Screenplays
    • You're Not Singing, Eddie Moore - Comedy
    • Mardy & Son - Dark Comedy
    • STARS - Comedy
    • Amazing Grace - Comedy
  • Radio Scripts
    • Belvedere Trent - The Circles of Suburbia - Comedy
  • Credits
    • Good for the gander
Dear Granny D

I bless you from the bottom of my heart for your loyal and honest opinion. God has given me the strength to move on and now you, in your wisdom, have given me the all-important nudge. I never even dared to consider stepping down before I spoke to you over the phone. Also, my dear friend, did you see me on TV? I used that line as you suggested, "I am simply a pilgrim beginning the last leg of his pilgrimage." What a one-liner! Jeez, they were lapping it up like good uns in the back yard.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to thank you for all your help and support. Sorry I can’t talk more at the moment, there’s a shit load of pilgrims outside and I still have the box-set of Sex in the City to get through.

In nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti, I bless thee, child
POPE Benedict XVI

Amen to that, Benny;

Actually, if I’m really… really honest, I didn’t sort of expect you to resign at all. In fact, it was little more than an off-hand comment one tends to make when it’s that time of month. Just to give you some idea of what I mean by that, on that very same Saturday, I also told the milkman to leave his cream up someone else’s back passage but, a couple of days later, I was crouching over on the front doorstep peeling back his gold top like a woman possessed. It’s the hormones, Joe, we women are martyrs to period pains, I don’t mind telling you.


Strange how things turn out though, isn’t it? When you made that first phone call, I thought we were to be like ships in the night; but then we got chatting about all sorts of things, if you remember… pepperoni versus meatballs, your forbidden dreams of Ulrika Jonsson, the antics of the 12th SS Panzer Division. Do you recall how we giggled at how they named the youth movement, Hitler-Jugend, and I said it sounded like another name for a ‘tit-end’. We had some good laughs, didn’t we?

In his dreams, POPE Benedict was 'Gladiator' - Ulrika shows how it should be done

Picture
Something else that made me smile when I saw your face on the box; for the first few phone calls, I actually mistook you for that guy who played Cliff Clavin in “Cheers”. I thought you might have twigged when I kept asking you if you’d stayed in contact with Rhea Perlman. It must have been your name that threw me.


John Ratzenberger as Cliff Clavin

Picture
Anyway, Joe, I’m sure the big man upstairs will be keeping a seat warm for you. Let’s just hope that Richard Branson doesn’t die before you… that smarmy bastard will have his feet under the table before you can say Beelzebub. I’m sure he’s trying to rebrand himself as a modern day JC; probably in preparation for a bit of identity theft knowing him.

Planning his flight path to Heaven... Branson is no stranger to the word 'Prophet'

Picture
Cheers
Granny D



Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.