THE LITERARY WORLD OF THOMAS DADE
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  • Humorous
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    • Sad Tale of the Kimble Frish
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  • Short Stories
    • A Life, Retrospective
    • Room 126
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    • Joyce's Story
  • Dilemmas
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  • Granny D - Agony Aunt
    • Steroids in Sport – A Vicious Cycle
    • Autagonistophilia – Emma, Bruce and Demi too!
    • Legal Advice for Oscar Pistorius
    • Drug Abuse - Anyone for Charlie?
    • Hybristophilia
    • Chris Huhne from HMP Wandsworth
    • POPE Thanks Granny D
    • Necrophilia - Fifty Shades of Grey
    • Voyeurism
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    • Striae - Stretch Marks
    • Autassassinophilia
    • Richard Madeley On Skype
    • Homosexuality
    • Phobias
    • Impotence - Erectile Dysfunction
    • Testicular Cancer
    • Cross-dressing – Does size matter?
    • Letter to Auntie Kath
    • Granny D's WaterAid Appeal
    • Swingers and Swappers
    • Letter from Her Majesty
    • Neophobia
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    • FGM
    • Ataxophobia
  • Restaurant Reviews
    • Generous Pioneer, Ilkley
    • Fazenda, Leeds
    • Amici Ristorante, Keighley
    • Balti House, Keighley
    • The Toby Carvery, Keighley
    • Banny's Fish & Chip Restaurant, Colne
    • Kingfisher Restaurant, Cross Hills
    • Ivy Palace Cantonese, Colne
    • Mother Hubbards, Scarborough
    • Princess Cafe, Scarborough
    • Welcome Inne, Scarborough
    • Leeds Fisheries, Scarborough
  • Feature Length Screenplays
    • You're Not Singing, Eddie Moore - Psychological Thriller
    • the summer of alex white - Romantic Comedy
    • The Grey Room - Psychological Thriller
    • That's Show Business! Comedy
    • The Eartly World of Francis Wick - Comedy
    • On The Slyde - Comedy
  • Six-part Screenplays
    • You're Not Singing, Eddie Moore - Comedy
    • Mardy & Son - Dark Comedy
    • STARS - Comedy
    • Amazing Grace - Comedy
  • Radio Scripts
    • Belvedere Trent - The Circles of Suburbia - Comedy
  • Credits
    • Good for the gander

New Year’s Eve

(With Doris and Ada at the old folk’s home)

Yes, dear,
It’s New Year,
Light yer fag,
I’ll pour the beer,
We’ll drink a toast or two,
And I’ll raise me glass to you.
What, Dear?
No, Dear,
It’s not your birthday,
It’s New Year,
We’ll have a grand old time,
For the sake of auld lang syne.
See over there?
The Black Bear?
Tattooed men,
Here and there?
Hustling past lasses,
Common as tripe,
To the bar,
With their half-supped pints
To keep them company,
Throughout the night.
Just like my Billy, was that,
By, he were handsome,
In his half-cocked hat…
Ada love,
Can you hear me, cock?
You’re dribbling down your floral frock,
Look me duck,
It’s 12 o’clock,
Happy New Year!

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