THE LITERARY WORLD OF THOMAS DADE
  • Home
  • Poetry & Prose
    • New Year’s Eve
    • Voices
    • Calypso
    • The Forlorn Stakes
    • Mad House
    • Arthur
    • Intesnsive Care
    • Poppy (in memoriam)
    • The Shoot
    • Glassy-eyed bitch!
    • What Emma Said
    • Religious Beliefs
    • Shrimp Breakfast
    • God's Gift
    • Courtroom Drama
    • Summer Days
    • My Dear Old Mum
    • Night of the Predator
    • Asa Wilde (84 years young)
    • Christmas Values
    • Remembrance Day
    • The Hills of Home
    • Gutter Currency
    • Proms
    • Tot
    • Zoo
  • Humorous
    • The Job Centre Blues
    • The Patron Saint of Solicitors
    • Sad Tale of the Kimble Frish
    • The Greatest Show On Earth
    • Farmyard Friends
    • Cookin' Up The Amazon
    • The Undertaker's Anthem
    • Pink, Punk, Fizz!
    • The Tradesman
    • When Adolf came o’er t' Yorkshire - (Dialect)
  • Short Stories
    • A Life, Retrospective
    • Room 126
    • A Bizarre Love Story
    • An Evening With Bonnie
    • Joyce's Story
    • Different Perspectives - Care Homes
  • Dilemmas
  • Contact
  • Granny D - Agony Aunt
    • Steroids in Sport – A Vicious Cycle
    • Autagonistophilia – Emma, Bruce and Demi too!
    • Legal Advice for Oscar Pistorius
    • Drug Abuse - Anyone for Charlie?
    • Hybristophilia
    • Chris Huhne from HMP Wandsworth
    • POPE Thanks Granny D
    • Necrophilia - Fifty Shades of Grey
    • Voyeurism
    • Alcohol Abuse - Binge Drinking
    • Striae - Stretch Marks
    • Autassassinophilia
    • Richard Madeley On Skype
    • Savile, Glitter & Starr?
    • Homosexuality
    • Phobias
    • Impotence - Erectile Dysfunction
    • Testicular Cancer
    • Cross-dressing – Does size matter?
    • Letter to Auntie Kath
    • Granny D's WaterAid Appeal
    • Swingers and Swappers
    • Letter from Her Majesty
    • Neophobia
    • Telephone Scatologia
    • FGM
    • Ataxophobia
  • Restaurant Reviews
    • Generous Pioneer, Ilkley
    • Fazenda, Leeds
    • Amici Ristorante, Keighley
    • Balti House, Keighley
    • The Toby Carvery, Keighley
    • Banny's Fish & Chip Restaurant, Colne
    • Kingfisher Restaurant, Cross Hills
    • Ivy Palace Cantonese, Colne
    • Mother Hubbards, Scarborough
    • Princess Cafe, Scarborough
    • Welcome Inne, Scarborough
    • Leeds Fisheries, Scarborough
  • Feature Length Screenplays
    • You're Not Singing, Eddie Moore - Psychological Thriller
    • the summer of alex white - Romantic Comedy
    • The Grey Room - Psychological Thriller
    • That's Show Business! Comedy
    • The Eartly World of Francis Wick - Comedy
    • On The Slyde - Comedy
  • Six-part Screenplays
    • You're Not Singing, Eddie Moore - Comedy
    • Mardy & Son - Dark Comedy
    • STARS - Comedy
    • Amazing Grace - Comedy
  • Radio Scripts
    • Belvedere Trent - The Circles of Suburbia - Comedy
  • Credits
    • Good for the gander

Farmyard Friends

A pig and a duck in the farmyard,
With the farmer about to be wed,
So a dilemma was broached,
When the farmer approached,
With his gun fully laden with lead.

Now the duck, in his wisdom, did reason,
There’s nothing quite like a ham shank,
The swine would go fine,
With a glass of white wine,
Said the duck, pointing out the huge flank.

Well, the pig grunted up in annoyance,
As the farmer began rubbing his hands,
Am I right in thinking,
The white wine you’ll be drinking,
Would go better with duck â l’orange?

Now hang on a sec, said the duck, in a flap,
There’s very little meat on a wing,
But with this mighty beast,
There’d be plenty to feast,
And would still feed you well into spring.

You’re missing the point, the pig, he replied,
The bride’s wrath do you wish to incur?
Serving bacon and egg,
With a lump of fried bread,
As opposed to a Mallard chasseur.

Be quiet! Interrupted the farmer,
I’ve something to say if you’ve done,
You can both save your voices,
She’s a vegan, my Joyce is,
So I’d say you’ve been jumping the gun.

I only came out on the off-chance,
Of a matter I wish to propose,
Our feast you may savour,
In exchange for a favour,
That’s the ring through the end of your nose.

Then the farmer walked back to the farmhouse,
Chuckling away as he passed,
The pig and the duck,
Knee-deep in the muck,
Inseparable friends to the last.

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.