Cross-dressing - Does size matter?
The following is a transcript of a conversation that took place on a ‘Messenger’ site between Granny D and advice-seeker, Steve.
Steve: Hi Granny D; I hope you received my email yesterday. If you did, you will have seen the attached photos and a list of my likes and dislikes, as requested. Just so you know who I am, the password you asked me to use is ‘orker’. I must say, I have never been associated with a killer whale before.
Granny D: Sorry to disillusion you, Steve, but the whale version is spelt ‘Orca’, whereas in the case of the name I asked you to use, I merely missed the ‘P’ off the beginning. Still, I think the theme kinda works either way. As for your letter, yes, I received it ok and was very interested to read your list. The thing that stood out for me was that you have quite a lot of likes, most of which are edible, and yet you only listed three dislikes; anything containing soya beans, washing up liquid and fridge locks. Are you seeing what I’m seeing, Steve?... is there likely to be MORE than one elephant in the room?
Steve: Would I be right in thinking that, after seeing my photograph, you have automatically assumed that the reason for my letter relates to a weight problem?
Granny D: Whatever gave you that idea?
Steve: Well, I’m afraid you couldn’t be more wrong, Granny D; I’m actually quite happy with the way I look.
Granny D: Seriously? Ok, now I AM intrigued. If it has nothing to do with the obvious obesity issue, what in God’s name IS your problem, Steve?
Steve: That’s just it, I don’t really see it as being a problem; not for me, anyway. Unfortunately, it’s other people that find it difficult to accept me for who I am.
Granny D: The plot thickens. Hey, wait a minute! You’re not one of those gay bears, are you? They say a picture paints a thousand words, I just hope pies and buggery aren’t the two most relevant.
Steve: Absolutely not… no! I am a happily married man, thank you very much! A happily married man that just happens to enjoy dressing in women’s clothes; there, I’ve said it!
Granny D: Bloody hell, and here’s me thinking Donnie Darko was a troubled individual. LOL
Steve: What, is that it; the sum total of your advice?
Granny D: BBIAM… Still LMAO!
Steve: So you’re just going to ridicule me?
(Short pause in dialogue)
Granny D: Soz about that, Stevo, but you’ve got to admit, the idea of you in a dress is FAF.
Steve: Well no, I don’t as it goes. In fact, I don’t think it’s funny at all.
Granny D: What can I say; I have a vivid imagination. I immediately pictured you stood in front of a cheval mirror wearing a bodice and sussies, doing a burlesque Moulin Rouge and singing Lady Marmalade to a plastic hairbrush…Priceless! And is that you in the second photo you sent too; the one where you’re swishing a red wig around like a Abattoir mop? As it doesn’t actually show your face, I just assumed it was a saucy photo of the missus.
Steve: Yes, it’s me, but I’d rather you didn’t post it on your website as my friends and workmates would crucify me if they saw it.
Steve: Hi Granny D; I hope you received my email yesterday. If you did, you will have seen the attached photos and a list of my likes and dislikes, as requested. Just so you know who I am, the password you asked me to use is ‘orker’. I must say, I have never been associated with a killer whale before.
Granny D: Sorry to disillusion you, Steve, but the whale version is spelt ‘Orca’, whereas in the case of the name I asked you to use, I merely missed the ‘P’ off the beginning. Still, I think the theme kinda works either way. As for your letter, yes, I received it ok and was very interested to read your list. The thing that stood out for me was that you have quite a lot of likes, most of which are edible, and yet you only listed three dislikes; anything containing soya beans, washing up liquid and fridge locks. Are you seeing what I’m seeing, Steve?... is there likely to be MORE than one elephant in the room?
Steve: Would I be right in thinking that, after seeing my photograph, you have automatically assumed that the reason for my letter relates to a weight problem?
Granny D: Whatever gave you that idea?
Steve: Well, I’m afraid you couldn’t be more wrong, Granny D; I’m actually quite happy with the way I look.
Granny D: Seriously? Ok, now I AM intrigued. If it has nothing to do with the obvious obesity issue, what in God’s name IS your problem, Steve?
Steve: That’s just it, I don’t really see it as being a problem; not for me, anyway. Unfortunately, it’s other people that find it difficult to accept me for who I am.
Granny D: The plot thickens. Hey, wait a minute! You’re not one of those gay bears, are you? They say a picture paints a thousand words, I just hope pies and buggery aren’t the two most relevant.
Steve: Absolutely not… no! I am a happily married man, thank you very much! A happily married man that just happens to enjoy dressing in women’s clothes; there, I’ve said it!
Granny D: Bloody hell, and here’s me thinking Donnie Darko was a troubled individual. LOL
Steve: What, is that it; the sum total of your advice?
Granny D: BBIAM… Still LMAO!
Steve: So you’re just going to ridicule me?
(Short pause in dialogue)
Granny D: Soz about that, Stevo, but you’ve got to admit, the idea of you in a dress is FAF.
Steve: Well no, I don’t as it goes. In fact, I don’t think it’s funny at all.
Granny D: What can I say; I have a vivid imagination. I immediately pictured you stood in front of a cheval mirror wearing a bodice and sussies, doing a burlesque Moulin Rouge and singing Lady Marmalade to a plastic hairbrush…Priceless! And is that you in the second photo you sent too; the one where you’re swishing a red wig around like a Abattoir mop? As it doesn’t actually show your face, I just assumed it was a saucy photo of the missus.
Steve: Yes, it’s me, but I’d rather you didn’t post it on your website as my friends and workmates would crucify me if they saw it.
HURL-ESQUE - Steve giving it large
Granny D: Don’t worry, you can always count on Granny D to be discrete. Well, you’re quite the little Diva, aren’t you, Steve, and proud to be so by the sound of it. In fact, it seems to me like the only problem you DO have, is where to shop for clothes. I was going to suggest Bon Marché but I reckon you’re a couple of sizes past their cut-off point. Have you thought of twirling the rails at the local charity shops? You see all kind of misshapes wandering in and out of Oxfam.
Steve: I can’t believe I’m hearing this!
Granny D: I know… they shouldn’t let Greg’s open shops within spitting distance of Oxfam; it’s taking the piss. No wonder those poor little African kids are starving; all the money’s being frittered away on pasties before the punters even step inside the door.
STEVE HAS LOGGED OFF
Granny D: Steve? Steve?! Damn! You’re the fifth person whose computer has crashed on me today!
Steve: I can’t believe I’m hearing this!
Granny D: I know… they shouldn’t let Greg’s open shops within spitting distance of Oxfam; it’s taking the piss. No wonder those poor little African kids are starving; all the money’s being frittered away on pasties before the punters even step inside the door.
STEVE HAS LOGGED OFF
Granny D: Steve? Steve?! Damn! You’re the fifth person whose computer has crashed on me today!
