THE LITERARY WORLD OF THOMAS DADE
  • Home Page
  • Poetry & Prose
    • New Year’s Eve
    • Voices
    • Calypso
    • The Forlorn Stakes
    • Mad House
    • Arthur
    • Intesnsive Care
    • Poppy (in memoriam)
    • The Shoot
    • Glassy-eyed bitch!
    • What Emma Said
    • Religious Beliefs
    • Shrimp Breakfast
    • God's Gift
    • Courtroom Drama
    • Summer Days
    • My Dear Old Mum
    • Night of the Predator
    • Asa Wilde (84 years young)
    • Christmas Values
    • Remembrance Day
    • The Hills of Home
    • Gutter Currency
    • Proms
    • Tot
    • Zoo
  • Humorous
    • The Job Centre Blues
    • The Patron Saint of Solicitors
    • Sad Tale of the Kimble Frish
    • The Greatest Show On Earth
    • Farmyard Friends
    • Cookin' Up The Amazon
    • The Undertaker's Anthem
    • Pink, Punk, Fizz!
    • The Tradesman
    • When Adolf came o’er t' Yorkshire - (Dialect)
  • Short Stories
    • A Life, Retrospective
    • Room 126
    • A Bizarre Love Story
    • An Evening With Bonnie
    • Joyce's Story
  • Dilemmas
  • Contact
  • Granny D - Agony Aunt
    • Steroids in Sport – A Vicious Cycle
    • Autagonistophilia – Emma, Bruce and Demi too!
    • Legal Advice for Oscar Pistorius
    • Drug Abuse - Anyone for Charlie?
    • Hybristophilia
    • Chris Huhne from HMP Wandsworth
    • POPE Thanks Granny D
    • Necrophilia - Fifty Shades of Grey
    • Voyeurism
    • Alcohol Abuse - Binge Drinking
    • Striae - Stretch Marks
    • Autassassinophilia
    • Richard Madeley On Skype
    • Homosexuality
    • Phobias
    • Impotence - Erectile Dysfunction
    • Testicular Cancer
    • Cross-dressing – Does size matter?
    • Letter to Auntie Kath
    • Granny D's WaterAid Appeal
    • Swingers and Swappers
    • Letter from Her Majesty
    • Neophobia
    • Telephone Scatologia
    • FGM
    • Ataxophobia
  • Restaurant Reviews
    • Generous Pioneer, Ilkley
    • Fazenda, Leeds
    • Amici Ristorante, Keighley
    • Balti House, Keighley
    • The Toby Carvery, Keighley
    • Banny's Fish & Chip Restaurant, Colne
    • Kingfisher Restaurant, Cross Hills
    • Ivy Palace Cantonese, Colne
    • Mother Hubbards, Scarborough
    • Princess Cafe, Scarborough
    • Welcome Inne, Scarborough
    • Leeds Fisheries, Scarborough
  • Feature Length Screenplays
    • You're Not Singing, Eddie Moore - Psychological Thriller
    • the summer of alex white - Romantic Comedy
    • The Grey Room - Psychological Thriller
    • That's Show Business! Comedy
    • The Eartly World of Francis Wick - Comedy
    • On The Slyde - Comedy
  • Six-part Screenplays
    • You're Not Singing, Eddie Moore - Comedy
    • Mardy & Son - Dark Comedy
    • STARS - Comedy
    • Amazing Grace - Comedy
  • Radio Scripts
    • Belvedere Trent - The Circles of Suburbia - Comedy
  • Credits
    • Good for the gander

Cookin' Up The Amazon

I’m sure I saw a cardamom,
With parasitic eyes,
It swam along the Amazon,
Beneath the curried skies.

It hid amongst asparagus,
Where frenzied fennel fight,
And was eaten by an aubergine,
With skin as black as night.

Sweet mangos chirped to see such deed,
And capsicum turned red,
We’ll have to kill that aubergine,
The leering lentil said.

So off set quick the tamarind,
And found along its way,
Suckling with its puckered lips,
A fromage with its frais.

Have you seen the aubergine,
Trying desperately to hide?
You must mean the egg plant,
The fromage, she replied.

It’s true, I saw him pass this way,
About an hour ago,
He rode a blancmange bicycle,
And wobbled to and fro’.

But it’s no use chasing aubergines,
Life’s too short, my friend,
Try swimming in the jelly pond,
If you want a sticky end.

Take my word, he’s long gone now,
I know it’s hard to chew,
But when he meets those foul medames,
He’ll end up in a stew.

So off set back the tamarind,
To tell his friends the news,
And was bitten by a cochineal,
With icing sugar shoes.

And as he lay there dying,
By his beloved Amazon,
He was stood on by a lychees,
Tripping gormlessly along.

The moral of this story is,
Because some veg are fickle,
If you wander down the Amazon,
You’ll end up in a pickle.

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